


Eclector movie night: dumb arguments edition

by cats_udonta



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Everyone's Stubborn, Gen, good to read if you're having a bad day and want something silly to read, in this instance there's one braincell in that room and it's kraglin, just bro's being bro's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29686434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cats_udonta/pseuds/cats_udonta
Summary: Movie night quickly dissolves into a pointless, and rapidly spiralling argument, among Yondu, Tullk, and Kraglin.
Relationships: Kraglin Obfonteri/Yondu Udonta, Tullk/Yondu Udonta
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Eclector movie night: dumb arguments edition

Kraglin, Yondu, Tullk, and a few other members of the crew, sat in the unofficial entertainment room. It had a large screen and a projector that had seen better days. For Yondu, Kraglin and Tulk, there were recliners covered in tape, and for everyone else...well, there was the floor and some chairs on their very last life that had been stolen from a random beach planet some years ago.

“What I don’ get” Yondu said to Kraglin and Tullk “Is why that guy” he pointed to the main male android “don’t just kill that other guy and fuck off with the gal.” 

“Cus murder’s illegal, captain” quipped Kraglin.

“Like he gives a fuck. He’s an android. An’t no one gonna arrest em!” Tullk shook his head and sighed “rememba’ wha appened on Contraxia?” 

Yondu and Kraglin gave him a confused look “wen tha sex bot ripped tha guy’s cock off?” The entire room groaned in pain at the memory.

_And yet another has fallen prey to android violence. This time, on Contraxia. A witness to this brutal scene, had this to say:_

_A man, looking every bit a degenerate – with wide eyes, of which there were eight, mismatched clothing, and unkempt beard and hair combo – faced the camera and said:  
“I wus peepin’ n’ beatin’ like the usuals, this dude and his robo lady get to doing the good stuff. He put his dick n’ er’ then all’s well, but then he yelled cus she clenched her robo pussy n’ then twisted er’ hips -” he breathed heavily, eyes wild and gestures wilder “n’ ripped his dick off! Holy shit, he blead out! It was fucked!”_

_As the reporters turn to leave, disgusted looks on their faces, the man then shouts “she had a look on er’ face that said ‘and I’d do it again!’_

“…plugged er full of holes if I an’t mistaken” said Kraglin. “Aye. Tha’ they did. Therefore it’s obvious tha if BX1441 were ta kill tha other guy, he’d be arrested!”

“Bein’ shot n’ killed an’t the same as bein’ arrested” shot back Yondu “BX1441 an’t livin’, sos they can’t throw em in jail!” 

“Ach, yer bein’ pedantic!” 

Kragling leaned back in his chair as the other two to leaned in closer to each other “And yer not thinkin!”

“An’t no point n’ puttin’ a bot n’ jail” Tullk and Yondu paused in their fighting and faced Kraglin “All’s im sayins is, is that if it’s gonna outlast it’s jailers cus of batteries and all that, then there an’t no point of arrestin’ it. Just fuckin’ kill it and be done with it.”

“See! Kraglin agree’s with me!” yelled Yondu. 

“Not really, Captain. Im’s sayin’s that it’s not that they can’t arrest em, jus’ that it makes no sense to do so” Yondu shot him an awful glare “See! the lad clearly know’s who’s in the right. me.” 

“Hard no, Tullk” before Tullk could ask why, he continued “never heard of a bot bein’ arrested in decades. Stopped doin’ it after space kept dwlindlin’ an all that, cus they don’ fuckin’ die.” 

“Movies made for watching, not for asking questions.” said Taserface, through a mouth full of grub and completely oblivious to the rising tension in the room 

“Shut the fuck up!” All three snapped in Tazerface’s direction, before continuing their argument.

“Iffin’ they don’t fuckin’ die, Tullk, then what’s the point of arrestin’ them?” Yondu said “just fills up space, until there an’t none left, then what the fuck er’ they supposed ta do?” 

“Ya canne just blast away every droid that kills – ya need ta exercise due process.” Tullk leaned a bit forward, moving his hands to emphasize every last point and making sure to dodge the questions asked. He was not about to admit defeat. 

“Yer dodging the question!” Yondu snarled.

“I am nae dodging the question!” Tullk shouted back.

Kraglin placed his head in his hands and sighed.

“The fuck is due process gonna do? It’s a fuckin’ android, Tullk, it an’t got no rights – it an’t alive!” by now they were both standing and shouting, the movie quite forgotten in leu of an argument neither wanted to concede defeat due to sheer stubbornness. 

“What if it _does_ have a soul, like me an you? Ya canne kill it before making sure it’s absolutely guilty!” 

Kraglin lifted his head from his hands and said, exasperatedly “how the fuck did this become a philosophical debate?” he stood up “it don’t even make no sense, anyhow – man made shit can’t have no soul cus it an’t no livin’ thing.”

“You tell em, kraggles!"

Kraglin then added “unless ya subscribe to tha Jo-ri belief that states that after 1000 years, a well loved object gets a soul. But an’t no bot ever last that long, n’ an’t no bot ever gonna be that loved.”  


“How do yeh know? Mebeh there’s a bot that _is_ that loved, an that old an we don’ know.”

“But there an’t!” Yondu and Kraglin insisted “batteries only last 500 years, max, for’ they need replacin’ anyhow. The soul process thingy would re start!”

“Yondu’s got a point” a random Ravager piqued up, shoving beasties into his mouth at an alarming rate. 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” 

“I thought yeh said tha’ bots ‘don’ fuckin’ die’? 500 years isn’t forever. If tha battery needs replacing after 500 years, then, technically, they do die.” Tullk looked awfully smug as he said this.  


“Now who’s being pedantic?” Yondu replied, just as smug. 

“500 years is ‘forever’ when ya got finite space” Kraglin placed one hand on his hips and gestured with the other “hypothetically speakin’ let’s say they do arrest em’. They sit around fer 500 years before needin’ rechargin’, n’ just keep pilin’ up until there an’t no more room.”

“But..” before Tullk could get more than a word in, Kraglin continued. 

“Come on, Tullk, yer just bein’ stubborn.” he faced Yondu “you too. This is stupid, can’t we just watch the damn movie n’ stop arguing?” 

“Stubborn” with a click of his tongue and a pout that would put a five year old to shame, Tullk crossed his arms and regarded Kraglin with a critical eye “I am lot’s ah things, but stubborn about this ah am not!”  


Kraglin rolled his eyes “I bet ya don’t even remember what you were arguin’ bout’” 

Tullk held up a finger, paused for a moment, opened his mouth, and then...

Nothing. 

“......shite.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that hilarious vine of a guy being very spirited about Wizard of Oz and princesses. Also inspired by every argument I've had where no one wants to admit their wrong.
> 
> The beginning argument was written for a drabble two years ago. Liked what I re read and decided to build on it. Also, two more fics are coming, they're just...longer. Just know that there's more coming, so thanks for being patient! :D


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